Identity Crisis / Guest Post by Breton Lindoff

Proverbs 16:9
“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.”

Who are you? What’s your identity?

Growing up in a hockey town and country of Canada, hockey quickly became my first love. I can remember Red Deer, Alberta, being a very competitive city between two major cities: Calgary and Edmonton. I was blessed with teammates, friends, and family who inspired a very competitive nature.

I can also remember the era we were in with Gretzky, Messier, and Grant Fuhr/Bill Ranford. The star-studded dynasty in the city of champions: the Edmonton Oilers, which has been my dad’s favorite team for my lifetime.

In the early ’90s, my family started billeting for the Western Hockey League’s Red Deer Rebels (which is sort of a mini NHL, except junior age 16–20), and almost every player that lived with us was drafted to the NHL. I naively thought, “That’s just how it’s gonna happen for me.”

I was blessed to grow up playing at some top levels for my age group in both hockey and baseball. My identity, for as long as I can remember, was wrapped up in being “a hockey player” or “an athlete.” I loved the significance it held, the way it felt, and how people treated me for just getting to do what I loved. Although I lacked size, it never stopped the dream of one day playing professionally.

Those feelings soon faded as my final junior year ended and my hopes of playing even Division 1 in college were non-existent. I had a few smaller college offers, but not full scholarships. I watched several of my teammates move on to play hockey at the college level, and some even pro… but for me, I was done at 20 years old. I was done done. In fact, I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore. I had spent the majority of my life identifying as an athlete and a hockey player. I had invested my entire self-worth and significance in a game—a fleeting game. If I wasn’t a hockey player, then what was I? Who was I supposed to be?

I don’t think hockey teaches kids anything about what we’re supposed to do when it’s over.

My dreams faded… along with my zest for life.
That is where my spiritual journey began.
I wondered why God failed me.
I felt depressed, empty, and hopeless.

I tried to find my new identity and significance in something other than hockey and other than God… but all was fleeting and an emotional roller coaster of worthless or unhealthy pursuits.

Looking back, I think God allows people to be tested to find out what they put their trust in.
I had to ask myself if my faith was authentic or if I was using religion like a good luck charm, hoping it might help, but lacking real conviction.

The truth is, I was going through the motions.

It took me until I was 25–26 years old before I realized my way of living life wasn’t working out that well. There I was with the same elementary or middle school-age understanding of faith. I never worked on it, yet expected it to grow. It is no wonder God felt so distant. I had not made any strides in His direction; it wasn’t a good relationship. And that my faith was not personal at all.

I will never forget watching a YouTube interview with the captain of the Arizona Coyotes, Shane Doan, who was asked about being known as “a strong religious guy,” and he said he did not like that title and corrected the interviewer by saying, “My faith is a personal relationship with Jesus, just like my everyday loving relationship with my wife and my kids.”
God used his words to hit home, and I knew I needed to make a change.

As I began to trust God and try to make changes to put Him first, I watched my life transform. Did I deserve it? No, not at all! Nothing I can ever do is deserving of His grace. I deserve nothing good for the bad choices I have made, yet He calls me clean because of what Christ has done. And because I chose to put my trust in Him… He exchanged my sin on the cross and gave me another chance. I’ve come to realize that God’s willingness to give us another chance fills me with a sense of reverence and obedience, born out of His love. As I experience this love, I’m drawn to know Him better as the giver of every good gift. This journey of sanctification fills me with gratitude and shapes my path.

Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.”

As we grow, God wants us to grow physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. We must move beyond simply repeating the same simplistic prayers and seek to deepen our understanding of God.

I now consider trials God gave me as consequences of my sin, but I also believe it was God’s way of finally getting my attention. It came in the forms of my lost identity, failing health (allergy-related), failed relationships, or even my career choices and dreams after being laid off from work in the 2008 recession. It took complete trust and surrender of my life in exchange for God’s way. He took my materialistic identity, my securities, and any sort of fleeting significance I thought I had in order to give me true perspective. Everything is fleeting in this life, except the love of God, the love we reflect to others, and having a true relationship with Christ.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt in the power of Christ and what can happen when we exchange our ways for His. When we stop rationalizing our sinful nature and start to seek Him, love Him, and keep His commands, we are able to better listen to His word, obey, and trust Him to guide our steps.

Jeremiah 29:11–13
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

For me and the path God brought me on, I will be forever grateful.

He never stops chasing us—even when we fail or fall short and make mistakes. I am so grateful that I trusted His promises in His Word. I am even grateful for the consequences God allowed me to face so that I would be willing to understand that I was a sinner who desperately needs a Savior.

Even though my dream to play in the NHL never came to fruition, God gave me something so much better. He gave me a new life, a new identity, a renewed sense of purpose, and He gave me a peace that’s almost unexplainable. He gave me a zest for life. He gave me joy that my life was missing. He gave me hope, and He even opened doors in this life I never thought were possible at my age.

Romans 8:28
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”

At 28 years old, God opened new doors for me to go back and play nearly every level of professional hockey. I played for parts of 7 seasons in the minors in the United States in the FHL, SPHL, the now-defunct CHL, several short call-ups in the ECHL, twice signed short pro tryout agreements in the AHL, was practice goalie for the Chicago Blackhawks during the 2012 lockout season, and even played in several leagues and countries in Europe.
This time it wasn’t about self-identity or significance in a fleeting game, but rather it was about being grateful for the opportunity to try and honor Him by doing the best I could. He gave me an authentic faith, He gave me more friends and the fellowship of other Christian athletes, and He gave me a renewed understanding of what it means to work on my spiritual health rather than just physical and emotional well-being.

Hebrews 5:14
“But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”

I thank God every day for the life He’s given me and the journey He put me on—for the family He raised me with, for the careers He’s allowed me to pursue, and for all the amazing people God put in my work life and personal life. And for my amazing wife, Katie, whom He allowed me to meet through mutual friends. Though I still stumble and make mistakes, God’s presence brings me peace, and He guides me in the correct direction.

James 1:4
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Why is our identity so crucial in Christ?
Human nature needs God… we were created for God and for doing good.
Without purpose, we slowly unravel and become mired in depression, anxiety, and a potential never-ending list of physical and emotional symptoms.

But through Christ, He’s given us a non-fleeting eternal purpose and peace.
We are chosen, adopted children of God.
We are a new creation.
We are unconditionally loved.
We are on a new mission.

If you are reading this and feel numb like something is missing, or are feeling empty, like you are on your own—how I used to feel… and if you want to make a change,
I encourage you to just start with baby steps like I did:

Romans 11:29
“The gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.”

1. Pray! If you have trouble praying, you can start by asking God to help you with your unbelief. From there, just try and learn who Jesus is. For me, one of my first prayers was, “God, please help me to fear You and to keep Your commandments.” Proverbs 8:13 says, “To fear the LORD is to hate evil. I hate arrogant pride, evil conduct, and perverse speech.”
2. Write down things in your life that you know you want out of your life. What things are potentially harming you and others close to you? Make a list of the things you know you need to stop doing.
3. Write down things in your life you know are good and will make a lasting impact. What do you need to start doing that will help you grow closer to God and mature? Ask God to help you accomplish these.
4. Start each day with a consistent daily devotional. Whether you read or listen, soak up God’s Word by any and all means you can.
5. Surround yourself with people who are following Jesus! An easy place to start is to ask someone who has earned your trust, who you know has a personal relationship with Christ, for prayer and help to find a community that is seeking to put God first. This will strengthen you as you walk. Consider joining the Pure Encouragement community. This ministry is meant for everyone, just to encourage and inspire one another in faith.
6. Put on the Armor of God. Ephesians 6:10–12 says: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Sin is the enemy’s game plan that separates us from God’s plan for our lives. Seek to understand that there’s an enemy who does not want you to trust in Christ. He will do everything he can to deceive, distract, and discourage you from wanting to better your life. So armor up! On our own, we don’t stand a chance.
7. Take accountability for your actions.
8. Work on self-control and have faith that God will help guide you.
9. Remember that “Good people don’t get into heaven; rather, forgiven people get into heaven.”

10. In the words of Gary Steffes: “I can’t wait to see what God does! Here we go.”